The Santa Barbara Web Design and Marketing Blog

As coaches, consultants, and even supportive friends and family members, many of us have faced a unique kind of frustration: pouring our energy into helping people solve their problems, only to watch them return again and again, stuck in the same cycles, never truly implementing the advice we offer. It’s an experience that feels as if we’re rowing someone else’s boat—sometimes against their own will—while they make little or no effort to pick up the oars themselves.

If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. The phenomenon can be draining, and, if left unchecked, it will sap your motivation, time, and resources—sometimes even your self-esteem as you question the efficacy of your coaching or your ability to help others get results.

Let’s break down this all-too-common scenario, examine its root causes, and discuss actionable strategies you can use to protect your time and energy, while still being a caring, effective coach and mentor.

The Cycle of Unimplemented Advice

Picture this: You have a client named John, a driven professional always eager to book sessions because he’s struggling with overwhelmed inboxes, inconsistent marketing, or some other common hurdle. Each week, you suggest time-tested techniques and actionable strategies, tailored to his goals and level. John nods along, fills a page with notes, and promises to implement these ideas—only to show up next week with the same problem, ready to talk it out all over again.

At first, you may assume your advice wasn’t clear enough. Maybe you didn’t explain it in their preferred learning style, or perhaps the steps felt overwhelming to them. So you clarify, simplify, even offer additional accountability tools—but the pattern persists. John is always grateful, always engaged in the sessions, but outside your meeting, little (or nothing) changes.

It’s exhausting—for both of you. And as a wise mentor, Anthony Morrison, once told me: Sometimes you can be stuck wanting something for someone more than they want it for themselves.

Why Does This Happen?

Let’s look at a few common reasons why people fail to implement well-intentioned advice:

1. Comfort in the Familiar

Change—even positive change—requires leaving the comfort zone. If someone is accustomed to a particular way of thinking, working, or behaving, the status quo offers predictable emotional outcomes, even if those outcomes are objectively negative (like stress, overwhelm, or disappointment).

2. Lack of True Commitment

Not everyone who seeks help actually wants transformation; sometimes, they simply want the catharsis of talking through problems, feeling “heard.” They may appreciate the idea of change, but not be ready to pay the price in consistent effort.

3. Fear of Failure or Success

Fear is a powerful motivator for inertia. Some clients subconsciously worry that implementing your strategies might set them up for big changes—maybe even a higher level of responsibility or visibility. Others quietly fear that they’ll fail, so they avoid trying altogether.

4. Emotional (Not Tactical) Obstacles

Practical, step-by-step advice falls flat if the real obstacles are emotional. For example, someone who is stuck in a cycle of procrastination may be dealing with perfectionism, fear of judgment, or unprocessed trauma.

5. Secondary Gains

It’s uncomfortable to admit, but sometimes people remain in their problematic state because they get some “reward” for staying there. Maybe it brings sympathy, a reprieve from new challenges, or a familiar narrative of struggle.

Understanding why a client is stuck is important, but even the best coach or consultant cannot break resistance on someone else’s behalf without partnership from the client.

The High Cost of “Wanting It More”

Many coaches and consultants bring a servant’s heart to their work. That’s wonderful—but it can also become a liability. Investing too much emotional energy in clients who refuse to take action leads to burnout, resentment, and (ironically) less compassion, both for future clients and for ourselves.

In business terms, it’s also financially unsustainable. Every hour spent rehashing solutions with someone who is not committed is an hour that could have gone to a proactive client, to your own business growth, or to your personal rest and rejuvenation.

Anthony Morrison’s lesson—don’t want success more for your client than they want it for themselves—is a powerful boundary to maintain.

How to Recognize “Stuck” Clients

Before setting boundaries, you need to identify the pattern. Here are some telltale signs:

- Repeatedly revisiting the same topic/session goals with minimal (or no) progress.

- The client consistently agrees with your suggestions but offers excuses for non-implementation at the next session.

- They seek advice or brainstorming, but there is little follow-up, accountability, or reporting back on action taken.

- You leave sessions feeling depleted, frustrated, or undervalued.

Don’t ignore these red flags for too long.

Setting Boundaries for Sustainable Coaching

Here’s the hard truth: Not all clients are ready or willing to do the work. As a coach, your job is to guide and motivate—not to drag anyone along by sheer force of will.

Here are steps you can take to honor your time and energy, while still providing value:

1. Clarify Expectations Upfront

During your first session or onboarding process, be transparent about the effort required and the outcomes that depend on the client’s commitment. Make it clear: Positive change can only happen if they are willing to act.

For example:

_"The clients who see the best results from coaching are the ones who take consistent, small actions between sessions. I’m here to support you, but your commitment is what will drive real changes in your business (or life). Does that sound like something you’re ready for?"_

2. Use Accountability Structures

Build accountability into your process. Ask clients to set specific action steps at the end of each session, then review progress at the start of the next. Celebrate progress but also address lack of follow-through gently, but directly.

_"Last time you committed to reach out to three past clients. How did that go?"_

If they didn’t follow through, instead of offering more advice, ask reflective questions:

- “What got in the way?”

- “How did you feel about the task?”

- “Is this a goal you still want to pursue?”

3. Emphasize Self-Responsibility

Make it a culture that the client is driving the change, not you. Instead of positioning yourself as the “solution giver,” become a facilitator who helps the client discover their own motivations and roadblocks.

Shift from telling to asking:

- “What solutions have you thought of?”

- “What has worked for you in the past?”

- “What would make this step easier for you?”

4. Set Time Limits for Repeating Topics

If a client has brought up the same problem for several sessions, consider setting a gentle boundary. For example:

_"We’ve talked about this challenge a few times, and I notice that action has been hard to take. Sometimes, people discover that the issue may not be as important to them as they initially thought, or there might be something deeper to explore. Would you like to discuss what’s really getting in the way, or should we move on to a new goal?"_

5. Give Permission to Pause or Conclude

Remember, not every coaching relationship needs to last forever. If you see a persistent lack of action and commitment, it’s respectful to both you and the client to suggest a pause.

_"I sense you might not be in a place to fully engage with these action steps right now, and that’s completely okay. Would you like to pause our work together and pick it up again when you feel ready for the next level?"_

6. Don’t Attach Your Worth to Their Results

You are responsible for creating a safe, supportive, and motivating environment—not for single-handedly fixing someone’s life or business. When you detach your identity from your clients’ progress, you’re free to be more objective, caring, and yes, effective.

It’s Okay to Care—Just Don’t Go Down With Their Ship

Compassion and detachment may seem contradictory, but they are actually two sides of the same effective coaching coin.

You can be empathetic, supportive, and give 100% during sessions without tying your entire emotional well-being—and your business schedule—to clients who refuse to take action.

Reframe your role: You are a guide, not a savior. You can offer frameworks, tools, and a listening ear, but ultimately, each client must do the work. If you find yourself “going down with their ship," recognize the boundary and step back.

That doesn’t mean giving up on people; it means standing at the shoreline until they’re ready to swim.

Case Study: The Power of Discernment

A few years ago, I worked with a coach who was stuck in exactly this pattern with several clients. She came to me burnt out, frustrated, and close to quitting her practice. We reviewed her current client list and noticed that she was spending 80% of her energy on clients least willing to make changes—and they were occupying the most sessions per month.

I encouraged her to have honest conversations with these clients, reframing the coaching relationship as a partnership that required their participation. Some clients stepped up; others chose to pause or discontinue sessions. Within six months, she had re-energized her practice, gained back several hours a week, and filled her roster with clients who were ready and willing to grow.

The lesson? Saying “no” to energy-draining clients opens space for those who value your guidance and will run with it.

Next Steps: Protecting Your Time, Energy, and Expertise

If this post resonates with you, here’s a quick checklist to bring these ideas into practice:

1. Audit your client roster: Identify who is taking action and who is repeating the same discussions.

2. Update your onboarding process: Make expectations crystal-clear.

3. Build accountability into every session: Replace endless advice with reflective questions and agreed-upon action steps.

4. Set time boundaries for revisiting problems: Gently redirect or suggest a pause if progress stalls.

5. Practice self-care: Remind yourself daily that your job is to coach, not to fix. Invest your best energy where it will yield results—for both you and your clients.

In Summary

Wanting successful outcomes for your clients is part of what makes you a great coach or mentor. But if you want it more for them than they want it for themselves, you end up in a tug-of-war that no one can win. Protect your energy. Set clear boundaries. And always remember: real change comes when the person is truly ready to act.

You can love, support, and provide every tool in the toolbox, but growth requires effort from both sides. And when you focus on those willing to take the journey, both your clients and your business will thrive.

Thank you for joining me for this marketing and coaching insight. I hope it helps you steer your practice—and your own sanity—in the right direction. Until next time, keep coaching with heart and wisdom.