The Santa Barbara Web Design and Marketing Blog

Do You Have Permission Before You Email Your Audience? A 30-Year Perspective on Networking, Email Etiquette, and Building Authentic Connections

Email marketing stands as one of the most powerful and effective tools ever invented for businesses, freelancers, and entrepreneurs seeking to reach their audience, nurture leads, and grow revenue. With a few keystrokes and a click of the mouse, you can send personalized messages, offer value-packed content, and maintain regular contact with hundreds—or thousands—of people interested in your product or service. And yet, as beneficial as email marketing is, it’s fraught with pitfalls that can permanently tarnish your reputation, burn bridges, and, ultimately, stunt your business’s growth before it even gets off the ground.

Over nearly three decades in networking, web development, consulting, and digital marketing here in Santa Barbara, I have seen one simple, but all-too-frequent mistake repeatedly derail the efforts of otherwise smart, passionate, and well-meaning professionals: adding people to mailing lists without first asking for—and receiving—explicit permission.

Why is permission so crucial? What are the risks of skipping this vital step? How can you foster authentic relationships that grow your audience ethically and effectively? Let’s dive deep into the lessons that will shape your approach and help you build a powerful reputation in the digital age.

The Costly Mistake: Adding People to Your List Without Permission

Let’s set the scene. You’re at a networking event. The room buzzes with energy, and you’re meeting new contacts, exchanging business cards, and feeling optimistic about the opportunities ahead. You return home, eager to follow up. Perhaps you have a newsletter or regular updates that you know could benefit the people you just met. Without much thought, you type in all the email addresses you collected, importing them automatically into your mailing list service.

To some, this may seem harmless—even helpful. After all, you’re hoping to provide value and stay in touch, right? Unfortunately, this is one of the quickest ways to alienate people, destroy goodwill, and run afoul of modern best practices—not to mention legislation like the CAN-SPAM Act or GDPR if your contacts are in Europe.

Let’s look at why:

1. Sending an Email Without Permission Is Spamming

Spam has become synonymous with unrequested, irrelevant, or even mass-mailed email sent to people who never wanted it in the first place. When you add someone to your list just because they handed you a business card—or because you found their email online—you’re essentially sending them spam.

While you may have good intentions, your recipients are unlikely to see it that way. Inboxes are already overloaded, and one more piece of unsolicited email is likely to be resented. From their perspective, their information was entrusted to you in one-to-one conversation, not to be used for your regular marketing blasts.

2. It Damages Your Online Reputation (and Deliverability)

If several people flag your emails as spam, your sending reputation takes a hit. Email service providers like Gmail, Outlook, Apple Mail, and others use complex algorithms to decide which emails get delivered, which go to the junk folder, and which get blocked outright.

A list full of people who didn’t explicitly sign up for your mailings will have lower engagement (opens, clicks) and higher spam complaint rates. Over time, even your subscribers who did opt-in may stop receiving your emails in their inboxes, because providers start to mark everything you send as untrustworthy.

3. It Harms Relationships and Closes Doors

Perhaps even more importantly, when you break the unspoken rules of networking etiquette, you run the risk of burning bridges before they’ve been built. Trust is at the heart of all business relationships, and nothing erodes that trust faster than feeling like your privacy—or time—is being taken for granted.

People may be less likely to refer opportunities to you, speak well of your business, or reach out for your services in the future. Worse, in certain professional circles—especially smaller communities like those here in Santa Barbara—your reputation for spamming can spread by word of mouth.

4. It Ignores Individual Readiness and Consent

Everyone’s boundaries around digital communication are different. Some people eagerly sign up for every newsletter that crosses their path. Others prefer to keep their inbox strictly for essential communications. By adding someone without their consent, you’re making a decision for them that you simply don’t have the right to make. The costs outweigh any potential benefits—no matter how valuable you believe your content may be.

The Right Way: Gaining Permission and Building Consent-Based Lists

Building an email list the right way is about patience, respect, and professionalism. Here are the keys to doing it right, drawn from decades of networking success:

1. Just Ask: “May I Add You to My Mailing List?”

The simplest, most direct way to obtain permission is to ask for it. After a meaningful interaction, simply say, “Would you like to receive my email newsletter?” or “Would it be okay if I send you some resources by email from time to time?”

You’ll be surprised how often people appreciate being asked. If someone says “yes,” they’re actively opting in—and they’ll be much more receptive to your emails. If they aren’t interested, thank them and move on. Respect their preferences fully.

2. Offer Value: Make Opt-In Worthwhile

People will be more likely to join your mailing list if they see immediate value. Rather than framing it as a favor to you, frame it as a benefit for them. For example:

- “I send out monthly tips on growing your business online—would you like to receive them?”

- “My newsletter covers the latest in web design trends and local Santa Barbara success stories. Would you like to get on the list?”

- “I’m putting together an exclusive guide to chatGPT and automation tools—interested?”

When you communicate the value, you not only increase sign-ups, but you also help set expectations about the kind of value you’ll deliver.

3. Use Proper Signup Forms and Confirmation

Using a trustworthy email service provider, create signup forms that make it clear what people are opting into. Collect explicit consent and use double opt-in wherever possible (where the user has to confirm their subscription via a follow-up email). This process ensures that only those who genuinely want to be on your list are added.

After networking events, you can send a short personal email saying, “It was great meeting you. Here’s a link to sign up for my newsletter, if you’re interested.” This respects their choice and provides an easy path to subscribe.

4. Flyers and Handouts: Let Interest Be Voluntary

If you attend local business or networking meetings, bring flyers, business cards, or handouts that explain your newsletter or email updates. Rather than aggressively pushing signups, let people take them of their own free will. You’ll quickly see who is interested—and who isn’t—by who picks up your materials.

This “pull” strategy is less intrusive and far more effective for authentic relationship building. The people who take your flyer and later sign up are already predisposed to listen to what you have to say.

5. Respect Boundaries and Be Transparent

Let people know:

- What you’ll be sending (news, tips, product updates, events, etc.).

- How often you’ll email (weekly, monthly, quarterly).

- That they can unsubscribe any time, easily.

Transparency shows you respect their inbox and their autonomy.

Digital Etiquette: The Foundations of Networking Success

Email marketing is only one part of a much broader philosophy: treat others as you’d like to be treated, both online and off. Here are a few guiding principles that have served me—and my clients—well over the years:

- Never make assumptions about others’ preferences.

- Give people room to say “no” without fear of offending you.

- Focus on creating value rather than making sales pitches.

- Nurture relationships over time, rather than pushing for quick conversions.

- Always respect privacy and data security.

In our highly digital, always-on world, these old-fashioned virtues stand out more than ever. When you build your database on principles of permission, ethics, and mutual benefit, you sow the seeds of long-term success.

Consequences of Ignoring Permission: Real-World Scenarios

To underline how important this is, consider a few hypothetical—but all-too-common—outcomes if you ignore permission-based practices:

- Scenario 1: You add a new acquaintance from a networking breakfast to your email list without asking. They receive a sales email out of the blue, mark it as spam, and mention their annoyance at the next networking meeting—now others are wary of giving you their contact info.

- Scenario 2: You mass import a list of business cards from a trade show into your marketing platform. A handful of recipients click “unsubscribe,” but others complain loudly on social media, damaging your reputation.

- Scenario 3: One recipient, feeling their privacy was violated, files a spam complaint with your email provider. This results in your account being limited or even shut down, disrupting your entire email marketing strategy.

All of these outcomes are not only embarrassing—they’re entirely avoidable.

Building Better Relationships: What Good Networking Looks Like

When you make permission central to your marketing and networking activities, magical things start to happen:

- Your audience actually looks forward to your emails.

- You gain higher open and click rates, which signals to email service providers that your emails are valuable and wanted.

- Your reputation grows—not just as a web and marketing expert, but as someone who respects and supports the community.

- You’re more likely to get referrals and word-of-mouth recommendations, because people feel good about working with you.

A responsible, value-driven approach to networking and email marketing ultimately means more—more connections, more opportunity, and more success—for everyone involved.

A Lifelong Lesson: Choose Consent, Choose Success

After 30 years of growing my business, supporting clients on PC and Mac, embracing new tools like automation and AI, and always finding new ways to connect with my Santa Barbara community, one truth stands above all the rest: Permission—and the trust it builds—is your most valuable resource.

As you participate in events, collect cards, or expand your audience, resist the urge to “grow your numbers” at the expense of relationships. Instead, focus on building a permission-based list, one filled with people who actually want to hear from you, who value your insight, and who’ve chosen to be part of your journey.

Ask before you add. Invite before you inform. Build your mailing list—and your business—on the solid bedrock of permission.

I hope this guide helps you sidestep a common trap and paves the way for stronger, more successful networking and marketing. If you have questions, want to learn more about ethical list building, automation, chatGPT, or web development, reach out. Your Santa Barbara Web Guy is always here to help you grow your business the right way.

See you next time!